best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
