try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
