We're like a lot better than the average bears
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
