i jhust puked up my retainher.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
