she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
