I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
