My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
