i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
