I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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