don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
