evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
