morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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