I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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