I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
