I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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