i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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