Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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