am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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