I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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