I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
