She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
