You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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