At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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