How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
