he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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