So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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