considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
