Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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