I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
