So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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