i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
