i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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