If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
