when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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