You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
