Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
