it was like eating out sand paper
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
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You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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