Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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