On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
