it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
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