So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
