Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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