You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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