chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
