Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
