When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
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Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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