her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
