You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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