After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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