Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
