I wish I could teleport
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
