my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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