its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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