I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
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I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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