i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
