HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have fence marks all over my body
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
