Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
thus making me awesome and them whores
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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