Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
