I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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