Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
