Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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