I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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