Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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