I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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