WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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