I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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