craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
two words...techno handjob
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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