i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i've created a new STD.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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