My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
