I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
