..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she pinky promised me she was 18
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
