I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
high people should be assigned attendants
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
