Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
