I hate all girls vehemently.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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