I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
